How to start a message conversation
How to start a message conversation

The first step is always the hardest. Starting a conversation can be as complicated as starting a presentation. If you don't have an idea in mind, you may even end up talking nonsense. Talking to people and connecting with them is one of today's most sought-after social skills. That's why, in the rest of this article, we're going to give you 6 ideas for starting a conversation by message.


Start with formulas that work

There are formulas that work like Coca-Cola. Questions like "How are you?", "How are you today?", or "Hello, how are you?", ensure a typical response: "Fine, and you?". That's the answer you're looking for. In general, no one is going to say to you: "The truth is, I'm a mess. But if they do, you'll have something to say anyway!


Learn to listen

9 out of 10 people don't listen, but wait their turn to speak. You need to appease this instinct and listen carefully to what you're told. Don't think about what you can contribute, concentrate on listening and finding out more about the person. That's the basis of everything that follows!


Wait for the topics of conversation to come up

One of the most effective strategies for pleasing people is to listen to them and ask them to tell you more. Talking about yourself gives as much pleasure as food or money. How do you do it? The most effective phrase is: "Ah yes?". Using this question after a statement from the person you're talking to ensures that they'll keep talking to add more details. You can also use others, such as "Tell me more".


Don't try to be interesting

There's nothing less sexy than someone trying to be sexy. The same can be said for looking interesting. A technique often used to appear interesting is to relate to well-known characters. Don't do this. It won't help you make friends or meet new people - quite the contrary. The paradox is that you often seem more interesting when you're interested in other people. Awaken that genuine interest in yourself to find out more about them.


Remember that questions are the spark that keeps the flame burning.

Whenever you ask a question, try to make it open-ended so that the person can't answer with a yes or no, otherwise you risk this happening and creating an uncomfortable environment.

Everyone has problems and likes to talk about them. What problem are you trying to solve at work? What problem have your kids given you this week? Which neighbor causes the most problems? What's the biggest problem with living here?

The answers to these questions are often complaints that can often be shared. And when you share something, it sets up the principle of similarity, which is one of the most powerful ways of connecting with people.


Look for and report similarities

Dozens of studies show just how powerful similarity is. Similarity is so powerful that it is one of the foundations of persuasion. When you find a source of similarity, you dig into it. You link it to the previous example:

  • "What have your children done to you?"
  • "The kid ended up painting and he scribbled all over the living room wall with the pen."
  • "It happened to me too. I still remember how angry I was. What did you do then?"

One way to create similarity is to make the other person feel like you're part of the same group. Maybe you were both born in the same town, went to the same school or follow the same person on Instagram. If you find out, you'll soon generate sympathy, which will help you have a pleasant conversation!