When a break-up is hard to take and violent, it can be tempting to get back together with someone as quickly as possible so as not to focus on the pain. But is this really the right solution for overcoming grief and getting over your ex? Here are the signs that you're in a band-aid relationship.
The bandage relationship: what is it all about?
A "band-aid" relationship is when someone who has just gone through a painful break-up starts a new relationship to ease their pain and avoid being alone.
This type of relationship often raises questions about the sincerity of feelings and the consequences this can have on the new partner. How do you know if you're in a band-aid relationship?
You're constantly comparing yourself
For some people, starting a relationship with someone new is the best way to mourn their past relationship and avoid suffering.
If you're constantly comparing your new relationship with your old one, it's a sure sign that you're in a band-aid relationship. The comparison may concern feelings, intimate relationships, physical criteria or character traits. In any case, as soon as you can't stop comparing yourself with your ex, it's clear that you need to ask yourself questions about the validity of your relationship.
You don't feel the need to introduce your new partner to your nearest and dearest
At the start of a relationship, people can tend to be in a little bubble, preferring to spend time with each other rather than with their nearest and dearest. But in the case of a bridging relationship, you tend not to feel the urge to introduce your new partner to your family or friends.
If this situation tends to persist, it's worrying. Because when feelings are strong, we usually want to introduce the person to our loved ones as quickly as possible, happy to show that we are experiencing something sincere and intense.
You're not looking to the future at all
A new relationship can take time before you can plan for the future. With your ex, you felt like living together after just a few weeks or months. Now you're not thinking for a moment of doing the same. This may well mean that you prefer to take your time and not repeat the same mistakes. But it could also mean that you see this new relationship as temporary, and therefore that you're in a band-aid relationship.
You shy away from problem solving
All couples have problems, and sometimes they arrive more quickly than expected. When your new partner exposes them to you and you tend to run away from them to simply enjoy the present moments, this may indicate that you are in a band-aid relationship.
This is especially the case when your new lover talks about the fact that you don't feel too involved or thoughtful. You're probably still thinking too much about your past relationship.
What can you do when you're in a bandage relationship?
Being in a band-aid relationship is not easy. And after a painful break-up, you may not feel too involved, without wanting to break up with your new partner.
If you are in a band-aid relationship, your new lover will quickly realise that there is a problem and point it out to you. The risk, of course, is that he will suffer because he has sincere feelings and projects himself.
When you realise that you're in a band-aid relationship, ask yourself some questions. Weigh up the pros and cons of this new relationship, and try to find out where you stand in relation to your past relationship. Don't shy away from discussions; on the contrary, talk and don't hesitate to tell the person that you need time. If all these steps are too complicated, don't hesitate to get help from a therapist. He or she will help you make the best decisions for you and your partner.