The first step is always the most difficult. Starting a conversation can be as complicated as starting a presentation. If you don't have an idea in mind, you may even end up talking nonsense. Talking to people and being able to connect with them is one of the most sought-after social skills today. That's why, in the rest of this article, we're going to give you 6 ideas on how to start a conversation via message.
Start with the formulas that work well
There are formulas that are like Coca-Cola, they work well. Questions like "How are you?", "How are you today?", or "Hello, how are you?", ensure a typical response: "Fine, and you? This is the answer you are looking for. Usually no one will say, "The truth is, I'm in a bad way". But if that happens, you'll have something to say anyway!
Learn to listen
9 out of 10 people do not listen, but wait their turn to speak. You need to calm this instinct and listen carefully to what you are told. Don't think about what you can contribute, focus on listening and getting to know the person. This is the basis for everything that follows!
Wait for the topics of conversation to arrive
One of the most effective strategies for pleasing people is to listen to them and ask them to tell you more. Talking about yourself gives as much pleasure as food or money. How do you do this? The most effective phrase is: "Oh yeah?". Using this question after a statement from the person you are talking to ensures that they will keep talking to add more details. You can also use others such as: "Tell me more".
Don't try to be interesting
There is nothing less sexy than someone who is trying to be sexy. The same can be said for looking interesting. One technique often used to appear interesting is to relate to well-known characters. Do not do this. It won't help you make friends or meet people, quite the opposite. The paradox is that you often seem more interesting when you are interested in others. Awaken that genuine interest in yourself to find out more about them.
Remember that questions are the spark that keeps the flame burning
Whenever you ask a question, try to make it open-ended so that the person cannot answer with a yes or no, otherwise you risk this happening and creating an uncomfortable environment.
Everyone has problems and likes to talk about them. What is the problem you are trying to solve at work? What problem have your children given you this week? Which neighbour is the most problematic? What is the biggest problem with living here?
The answers to these questions are often complaints that can often be shared. And when you share something, it sets up the principle of similarity, which is one of the most powerful ways to connect with people.
Look for and report similarities
Dozens of studies show how powerful similarity is. Similarity is so powerful that it is one of the foundations of persuasion. When you find a source of similarity, you investigate it. You link it to the previous example:
- "What have your children done to you?"
- "The kid ended up painting and he scribbled all over the living room wall with the pen."
- "It happened to me too. I still remember how angry I was. What did you do then?"
One way to create similarity is to make the other person feel like you are part of the same group. Maybe you were both born in the same town, went to the same school or follow the same person on Instagram. If you find this out, you will soon generate sympathy, which will help you have a pleasant conversation!